i cant remember the last time i was down.

i think the last time i whined and sighed and everything else a happy girl wouldnt be caught doing was when i had to study for science. nyeh.

maybe its the pms. it must be the pms. i spent the whole friggin day sewing mother's bag but ended up screwing it. and the light at the room is not that friendly. its abit dim and it hurts my eyes alot. and my head is in pain. i was squinting all day long undoing the stitches. nyeh. and pms is not something fake made up of bullshit. it is truly happening. i thought i wanna do more of the earrings for the new vintage-rustic-blablabullshit collection. but i decided what-the-heck. maybe i shouldnt fully blame pms afterall. partial is okay. because i got this itch on my neck. its terribly irratating. i cant scratch it because mother say it will make it worse. i wish the itch will go away. maybe i really shouldnt torture myself with all the work. maybe i should just rest and relax like a normal person on vacation should do. maybe i shouldnt. i hate the sight of my forehead. its getting worst!! the black spots are multiplying and refuse to go away. maybe the whole area (breadth X length= area, dammit!) should just turn black. maybe you should just jump down and die. now i sound like a normal teenage full of burning angst.

i didnt know how loserish i was till i pondered for a little while in the toilet shitting all my sighs away. a, i am stuck at home, sewing. b, i am being too ambitious in wanting to sell bags when making one has turned into a chore. c, i havent talked to someone not related to me by genes because they have been busy, because they have a fun job and i dont. boo at me. d, i have not dated anyone since i was 14! i feel more loserish because i am feeling very ugly and fatty. e, i have not talked to an opposite sex for a long time. f, i have not dreamt having a bgr for a very very very long time till my 12 yr old cousin blubbered that he have a secret crush (!!). g, its been weeks since i went takashimaya. h, i dont have a longing-missing feeling to see my ex-classmates and ex-teachers or ex-secondaryschoolbuilding. i, i have not wiped my homeglasses for a not-so-long time. j, i have not cried. (should i feel loserish for this? but i havent cried for a long time, anyway.) l, i have not travelled long distance in a public transport for a longg time, like going to marine parade weekly for tuition or going to the mrt or going anywhere because there is the car (this sounds more like a brat but i am truly am not.) m, now i recharge my hp battery once in 2 weeks (?) because it hardly runs low. n, i am looking forward to the movie, someone like you on tcs5, because i know it will make me go, awwww. o, i have never ever eaten at fish&co.. p, bank account is dry like dried sotong and have to find ways to buy mother and father birthday presents (!!!). q, i cant believe i wont be 16 anymore this august. i love being 16. i hate being 17. its like you are too young but acting old. nyeh. 16 is just nice. young. you can be immature sometimes because you are sixteen. and you can be moody because you are sixteen. you can be rational and mature because you are sixteen. its just great. r, i am still secretly wishing i am going live in new york. s, i am writing this junk here, online, and not in my purple butterfly embossed diary. t, i am still going on now which makes me feel more loserish but i know i cant go on till z because it will make me feel

superduperloserish.